Even When I Doubt You Twenty One Pilots
by ForeverSpirit
Summary: Violet seems like any normal band-obsessed teenager but behind her lavender eyes are dark, dark secrets and a mind so messed up that she doesn't dare venture into it herself. She's afraid of spiders, enclosed spaces, the dark and abandonment but most of all, she's afraid of change. So when 17 year-old Tyler takes an interest in her, things can only be bad. And there's also Josh..


It was a normal December day; frost on the ground, early risers scraping the snow from their cars, birds taking off from branches and adding to the fresh heaps of snow. I swung my backpack onto one shoulder and flipped my hood over my face to avoid catching the snowflakes in my hair. It was my favourite hoodie, black with red and white patterns cascading down the sides. I started my daily routine by shyly nudging open the door to my favourite café and taking my usual seat. Jenna, the manager, had started saving the seat for me every day because I was a regular customer here and would happily sit in the corner with my earphones and a sketchbook.

What I didn't expect was for my routine to be interrupted. There was a slight tap on my shoulder just as I had plugged my earphones in and I reluctantly removed them, pausing the music.

"I'm low on staff, can you help serve drinks?"

I immediately panicked. Jenna was asking me to serve tables? That would mean talking to strangers which was very, very bad. I made the mistake of looking up into her pleading eyes. Jenna was right: her and Josh were the only ones on duty.

"Please, I'm going to lose business" she pleaded again.

Josh was by the kitchen sink, whistling to himself and tapping out tunes on the saucepans he was 'washing up'. Jenna really wasn't going to get anyone served if he was the only one on duty.

"I'll help" I replied reluctantly, shoving my phone in my bag and leaving the safety and comfort of my window seat. I considered just going back home but I didn't want to upset Jenna or let her work herself too hard.

Josh gave me a grin from the kitchen and I smiled back nervously, putting on an apron which was way too big for me just as the door opened for the first customer. It was a large family of six with one girl and three boys. Behind me I heard Josh let out a low whistle.

I was overwhelmed by it all of a sudden and felt myself topple backwards. An arm reached out and caught me and I looked up to see Josh, gently pulling me back up.

"There's quite a few people to serve. Shall I help you take the orders?"

I nodded, feeling slightly touched by the offer.

"I'll take the left three, you take the right three" Josh replied. I swallowed nervously. How was I supposed to talk to three boys?

Two of them seemed to be twins passionately debating about some unknown topic and the third seemed to be about seven, playing a furious game of snap across the table with his young yet slightly older sister as the parents watched them intently. It was nice watching such a big family together but I quickly averted my eyes when they met the eyes of one of the twins.

"Hello and welcome to the Blue House Café. Can I get you anything to drink?" Josh was repeating the same sentence to the parents and the girl.

The three boys stopped and blinked at me, the girl squealing at her brother to carry on the card game.

"What-?" One of the twins asked with a confused expression. I felt incredibly embarassed and started to blush furiously, realising I had spoken quickly and inaudibly.

"Welcome to the Blue House Café. What drinks would you like?" I slowed down my words and raised my voice, struggling to keep deep, steady breaths and not bolt into the kitchen or out the front door. I couldn't break down over two stupid teenagers who clearly couldn't hear.

The boy closer to me grinned like he could tell how nervous I was. "A coffee. Could you explain the options please?"

I wanted to melt away when I saw Josh walk back into the kitchen out of the corner of my eye, already finished with writing down the orders. "We have latte, espresso, cappucino, babbycino, americano. If you have a specific diet we can make it to any named requirements"

The boy opened his mouth again but the second twin got to it first. "Diet Coke please. I'm Tyler by the way, ignore my brother. He'll have an espresso"

"Nice. And your little brother?" I felt incredibly grateful for the intervention.

"Oh. Milk if you have any" he passed me the drinks menu and I collected it up in my hand, careful to take it from the opposite corner. Then I darted back to the kitchen, dreading what else was to come.

"I can't do this. I can't do this" I gasped, rushing straight towards Josh. He held out his arms and I crushed against him in a hug, taking deep gulps. I felt his chin rest on the top of my head.

"Shush baby, it's going to be okay. I need you to take out these drinks but just do it whenever you feel like it. Nobody is going to hurt you"

"I can't help but care what people think. I can't change anything in my life, just as it's falling into place"

"I know, I know. That's why I'm here okay? You can go home after this family has been served, I promise"

I took a slow breath and detached myself, walking shakily towards the counter and grabbing the espresso in one hand and the milk and coke in the other. Taking one last shuddery breath and wiping my eyes dry, I nudged open the kitchen door with one foot and walked back into the café towards the bush table.

"Here's your milk, here's your espresso and here's your Diet Coke. What would you all like to eat?" I placed the drinks on the table with a violent shake and the boy I had come to know as Tyler looked up at me with a concerned expression.

I couldn't upset the customers so I put on a brave face as Tyler continued to gaze up at me.

"A lasagne, a child's portion of the pepperoni pizza and, uh, the garden salad with fries" I wrote down the orders fired at me by the ruder, slightly louder twin. I collected up the menus and deposited them in the menu box on my way to the kitchen.

I handed my list over to Josh without a word and he pinned it to the counter, preparing a third saucepan and turning on the oven. I didn't want to disturb him at such a busy time so I wandered over to the salad section where Jenna was preparing the garden salad.

"Hey, I'll do that" after all, I needed something to concentrate on.

"Thank you darling" Jenna gave me a friendly pat on the shoulder and wandered off to cook the fries and help Josh with the pizza.

I chopped tomatoes, tossed salad and sliced cucumbers until it was prepared. There was a freshly made lasagne, a small pepperoni pizza and fries by the counter for me to take outside and once again I entered the busy room with three full plates and a cup of fries balanced on top, treading carefully on the slippery floor.

The twins were still talking and the younger boy had joined in now that the girl was eating her food. When I approached the table they all sat up eagerly at the sight of food. I placed the pepperoni pizza in front of the youngest one. That order was easy to place, the others were harder. "The lasagne?"

"Mine" the louder twin bluntly replied. I set it down in front of him and gave Tyler the salad and fries.

"Vegetarian?" I wasn't often someone to ask questions but he didn't seem to want much from the menu.

"Something like that" Tyler murmured as he picked up his knife and fork. He didn't seem to want me there so I made my way back to the kitchen.

"Why were you talking to that boy?" Josh demanded as soon as the door had swung shut behind me.

"I don't know" came my anxious reply.

Josh simply shrugged and walked out the kitchen to serve a young couple sitting by the window. I sat next to the kitchen sink and gazed out the window at everyone passing by. After twenty minutes I decided to see if they were finished with the food.

"Did you enjoy your meal?" I didn't comment on how the louder twin was stuffing his fave with Tyler's fries, I didn't comment on the fact that half the salad remained. It wasn't my place to say anything so I simply picked up the plates and balanced them in my arms.

"It was good thanks. Can you give our parents the bill?" Tyler replied.

He seemed in a hurry to get out so I headed back to the kitchen with the plates, dumping them in the kitchen sink. Josh was taking the bill to the parents so I sat down for a moment, watching Jenna do the washing up.

 _You like him, so what? He probably hates you._

"No!"

The room was a blur as I pushed open the kitchen door. I was vaguely aware of Jenna's arms on my shoulders, shaking me. Footsteps became louder and louder as Josh ran in my direction

 _Nobody ever does._

"Stop! Leave me alone!"

"I'm here, I'm here. They can't hurt you, Violet. Only you can do that"

My throat seemed to close up and the salty tears rolled down my cheeks as I struggled against Josh's grip.

"No no no"

"I'll take her outside. They shouldn't be seeing this" I cried as Josh lifted me up in his strong arms, I cried as he took me outside. My surroundings were still blurry as the ground sped by and Josh's car door was opened. I cried as he gently laid me down on the backseat and the car jolted as he slammed the door.

I cried the whole way home.

"Josh!" I cried out as my eyes snapped open. I was staring at a white ceiling and my back ached when I turned to find him.

"I'm right here" I was startled when I saw his face. His hair was unstyled, his face bare from make-up. His eyes were bloodshot with dark circles underneath them.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" I jolted up and pressed my back against the pillows behind me to keep me upright. "Why haven't you slept?"

"You're asking me if I'm okay after that? Violet, there's something wrong with you. Why did that happen? Who was hurting you?"

I stared back at him unblinking as my mind slowly processed why I was lying on his sofa in his house. What day was it? Had I somehow fallen asleep? The tears were threatening to return as I remembered my breakdown in the café.

"What's the time?" I asked fearfully.

"Nearly nine o'clock"

I bolted upright and calming lifted the duvet off. I could not panic. A few minutes to get to the café and everything would be fine.

"You're not going anywhere Violet" the threatening tone in Josh's voice made me tremble slightly and I knew it wasn't because of the cold.

"You don't understand, I go to the café at nine every day. It's a routine of mine" I walked to the front door and sat down on the ground, hurriedly yanking on my heeled leather boots. Josh sat in the living room watching me with an astonished expression on his face.

"But we need to call someone! The doctors maybe? Or a psychiatrist if you're hearing voices"

I froze with my hand on the doorhandle. "Josh, you can't tell anyone about this, you'll make it sound like I'm mental! Just leave me alone" I turn the handle as I said this and to my surprise the door was unlocked. I dithered for a second before looking back at Josh's helpless expression. Then the door was opened and I was rushing through the streets, back to the familiar blue café. I opened the rusty door at exactly 8:59 and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Violet" I jumped in surprise at the voice and when I looked up from the floor, it was only Jenna. "You're here. Have you seen Josh?"

"He's at his apartment. I slept on his sofa, I think" I sas confused at my own words and Jenna was staring quizzically at me.

"Are you going to tell me what that was yesterday?" The concern on her face made me feel even guiltier about freaking out her customers.

"I'm so sorry Jenna, I didn't mean to scare anyone away, you didn't have to pay me after you probably lost business"

I struggled with the clip of my shoulder bag, diving in and retrieving the wad of ten pound notes. As I pulled them out Jenna placed her hand on mine, forcing the money back into the bag.

"I don't care about customers. I care about you, making sure you feel safe and in your comfort zone. I shouldn't have asked you to help after...well, you know"

"No, stop Jenna" I couldn't stand her feeling guilty about my anxiety and I didn't want the conversation to move to certain topics. "I'm fine now, I'll just sit in my usual seat and read"

"Of course, of course" she stepped to the side and I let myself in through the door, finding my way to my usual seat.

I sank into the soft leather of the sofa and got out my latest book, ready to forget about it all. My playlist was playing through my earphones and for about half an hour I just sat there, letting myself get lost in other people's worlds. Whether an ordinary life or a fantasy, listening and reading about other characters was like a therapy to me.

The book I was reading at the time was about a wizard and a vampire who both went to a school called Watford. Despite all odds, they fell in love together and defeated the bad guy. A typical story, but it became one of my favourites as I turned the last page.

"Green Day? I love them" looking up from the finished book was a mistake, because me heart sped up when my eyes came into contact with none other than Tyler's. "Do you mind if I take a seat?"

I was still so shocked from him appearing that I stumbled over my words as I moved up along the leather sofa, "yes, I mean no I don't mind, umm yes, you can take a seat" I'd embarassed myself before but this was beyond embarassing.

He looked me in the eye before lowering his voice slightly, "I just wanted to check; are you okay after yesterday? Was it a panic attack?"

I wasn't quite shocked by his question seeing as everyone had been asking it but I was confused by his second. "I don't know, probably. I'm not so good at socialising"

"I used to have them all the time" Josh replied, which surprised me. He seemed to always be happy, no matter how distant he was.

"Really? Oh" was all I could reply with. I wasn't sure what to say after he had so openly told me about it. "Do your parents know?"

A frownline appeared on his forehead as we both glanced back at the busy table his family were sitting at. "No. I'd like to keep it to myself" I opened my mouth to tell him that I understood but Tyler beat me to it.

"There's a really good song you should listen to" he picked up my phone, the playlist still sounding through the earphones I wasn't using. "Mind if I add a playlist?"

I simply nodded in reply as he tapped around for a while, before handing it back to me. "I see you like Green Day. I like them but my favourite is Blink-182. They're a good band and I'm sure you'll like them"

He got up from his seat and I panicked. "Don't go Tyler, please"

Tyler only grinned in response, "you know my name?"

I could feel the colour rushing to my cheeks and I was extremely embarrassed. "I heard your twin calling you Tyler"

"That's Zack. He's not my twin"

This information surprised me and I freaked out when Tyler started calling for him to come over to us. "Tyler, don't!" I hissed through gritted teeth. The last thing I wanted was some self-centered, obnoxious and nosy boy asking me about the previous day.

"And you must be Ty's girlfriend" he was standing right beside me and I wanted to melt away right then.

"No, I'm not his girlfriend. We just met" it came out as an almost inaudible whisper and the boy laughed in my face.

"I'm Zack, Tyler's brother. Sorry about yesterday"

I blinked in astonishment. An apology was not what I had expected. "It's okay, I'm alright"

"I feel like it was my fault, even if you overreacted. I must have upset you a lot and I've never met anyone who doesn't do well in social events except Tyler, and that's different because-" Zack was going to continue but Tyler silenced him which I was grateful for. I had been panicking and maybe Tyler had noticed.

"Well, like I said, Blink-182 are a good band and you should check them out. We have to go now, bye" and just when he had finished the sentence Tyler was practically dragging Zack away.

I was one again as they joined their family, my hands shaking in anger or suprise but I couldn't tell. Tyler doesn't do well in social situations.

That one, harmless sentence made the memories and the emotional pain resurface, the memories that made me wish I was dead.


End file.
